Moments

Somedays bring you way more than you could wish for and today was one of those days.  I started running in May for the sole purpose of being able to comfortably run the Miles for Melanoma 5k in Nashville today.  My goal was to finish and to still be able to enjoy the day but mostly to give back to help fund further melanoma research.  I met my goal, and a little extra.  What I learned today is that it's easy to run a race when you've already won so much before you ever start.  I've said before that I'm about as good at asking for money as I am asking for help, but I've managed to surround myself with people who have gifts and talents that I don't have.  After the stack of checks that I just mailed in to the MRF and 2 boxes of pink t-shirts, we have raised over $4,000.  And, all I really did was run.  Well, that, and kick some cancer.

 The first day in may that I set out on the pavement to train for this hair-brained idea, I was sure I had lost it.  I wanted to go back home and I wanted to stop and walk but I also wanted to do what I set out to do.  And in the spring when it was cool in the morning and I was the only one up, it really wasn't that bad.  And, when I ran my first 5K in August and was sure I was suffocating because it was 100 degrees, it really wasn't that bad.  And, the day before my birthday when I made it to 4 miles in under 8 minutes a mile, it was really good.  And, today, when I was surrounded by a team of people who drove 200 miles to be there for me and an army of people at home praying, cheering, and wearing bright pink shirts, it was awesome.  

Today was full of moments.  It started at 5:15 when I took my chemo drug and then bent down to tie my running shoes.  I smiled at the irony of it all.  I was already on my knees so it was the perfect time to pray.  It was quick but I thanked God for the drug that I just swallowed to keep my blood from killing me and for the ability to feel my feet in the shoes I was wearing and the ability to not only get down to tie my shoe but to get up again.  I then thanked Him for all of the people who watch this journey and are inspired to give because of what God keeps doing for me and for the people He would continue to help because of the money they gave.  Then, I went to Starbucks.  

The next moment came sometime during the race when I was running on some path in the middle of no place in Nashville that I've ever seen.  There was really no one around me - sky, field, and a path of pavement.  I thanked God once again for that moment - to feel my legs moving one after another, without thinking about where I was putting them and if they would land there.  That moment pretty much carried me to the finish line.   

And, then there was a moment after I got my medal when I heard the cheers and I turned around to see my husband coming toward me to hug me.  As sure as the tattoo of my name on his wrist, there is no doubt he got it - not that I met a goal, ran a race, raised some money - but pushed through cancer and fought back to get to that very moment and hopefully many more just like it.  

I've never run with anyone before but Lauren was in town so we ran together for the first time the other

night. She's way more athletic and coordinated than I'll ever be certainly more competitive than I could ever dream, but at least I was prepared for this challenge.  We ran over 3 miles at a pretty decent pace and even if either one of us was dying we wouldn't have stopped.  And, there was the moment.  We said nothing just ran and  both realized how far I'd come since the day she had to carry me up the hill to the car at Vanderbilt because I couldn't get my legs to go and the days when I could walk but not yet run and would have her watch me run across the yard to see if it was any better.   Even though she couldn't make it too the race, I've always been grateful for her timing and her presence and this week was no exception.  

That's how life is - full of moments.  Cancer has taught me to savor them and stack them up.  Today I stacked them up in a little pile and I will go back to them over and over.  Back to the group of people in pink shirts at the finish line who should be just as proud of themselves as they are of me for giving the support that was needed to get us where we are.  Back to the sight of my little girl jumping up and down because her mommy got the medal that she hoped she would get.  Back to my husband's face.  Back to my knees that I can now get down to and know that I will get back up.  Back to the God that created me and has a plan for a hope and a future.  

Thank you for your gifts,

Kimberly

Inspired

"Inspiration - something that has a strong effect on what you feel or do - especially something good."

This was one of Bailey's vocabulary words and as we were cramming these definitions over breakfast this morning, I found it so fitting in light of all the greatness that has happened over the last week.

I'm a little behind on my updates because of a root canal that does not fall into the greatness category but it's great that it's over.  Very few people can relate but it is what I would refer to as the bone marrow biopsy of your tooth.  And, much like the bone marrow deal, the effects are lasting - I don't recommend unless necessary.  I do think that cancer patients should be exempt from any sort of non-cancer related painful procedure but I'm guessing by my misfortune this week that it's not going to happen.  The dentist ask me who referred me and I said, "Well, sir, your name starts with C, and the A's were busy today."  I am grateful that Mr. C was available but I'm not sure we're friends.

However, the picnic this last weekend was a big success.  There was definitely a sea of pink shirts and we raised about $2000 for MRF this weekend!  The weather couldn't have been more perfect and neither could the people.  It was so fun to watch everybody put on their pink shirts and enjoy the day.  The kids were filthy - the good kind of visible dirt where you know they had fun.  Kate was convinced it was my birthday party - I cannot think of a better gift!  I continue to amazed at the support we are given and how many people are inspired to give.  I was trying to explain to Bailey what inspiration is and the best example I could come up with was the park full of pink shirts and the box full of checks that I saw on Saturday.  I have one amazing team and an amazing group of friends.

Not sure where Ms. Merkle is in that pic but she needs some big credit for the t-shirt art and for having my back on my lack of computer skills too.  I consider myself very lucky to have friends that  take my story so personally that they use gifts and talents that I don't have to help me achieve my goals to help others.  I have party planners, cooks, decorators, organizers, fundraisers, and graphic designers - it's a dangerously good combo!  

Sunday was a big day too.  The third graders were presented with their Bibles and the little people sang in both services.  I've been to a lot of end of season parties for baseball and such to watch Bailey proudly receive those plastic trophies but this is only the beginning of a season.  And this Trophy holds the promise of the future, the story of the past, and help for the present.  It just doesn't get much better than that!  I watched him proudly look through the pages and rub his finger across his printed name. I pray that he will use those words to guide him throughout his life.  Kate was in full force with her chance on stage, of course.  I'm amazed at what they can learn in just a few weeks and how wonderful and dedicated the ladies who teach them are. 

We have subtracted and then added to our critter list around here with the hermit crabs.  I found one of the creepy little critters buried and not moving so he had to be returned to the pet store for a    replacement.  I was given specific instructions on what to purchase and reminded that the crab should

be free.  It was thought by my special friend that he would do better in a separate cage but I convinced him that the cage itself was indeed not free and we weren't purchasing anymore equipment for this little experiment.  He did choose the largest and most beastly in the cage and according to the girl at the store, "only the strong survive."  Hmmm...  On the way home, he decided to take him out of the box examine his activity level and the crab promptly pinched him, drawing blood, and a scream from the backseat.  Someone said they live 70 years.  We may have a winner.

We are looking forward to some fun family fall break time this week.  I don't remember getting one of those as a kid but I think it's a great invention whoever came up with it.  It's a good time to breathe in some air before we all hibernate for the winter and a nice break from the guilt you feel from not quite fitting in or forgetting some the site words, spelling words, forms, permission slips, or healthy snacks for at least one week.

Thank you to all of you who have donated to help us raise money for the MRF.  I'm so excited and we are looking forward the race!

 Love always,

KJ

You'll look good in my shirt

I feel like I have arrived.  I have my own t-shirt!  Well, technically, my team has a t-shirt and it would not be fair to say that it's mine.  It's an army of friends, an army of prayers, blood, sweat, tears, gritted teeth, panic attacks, healing wounds, hours of research, and God's grace in the making.  But, I'm so proud of it and all that it stands for.  Angela dropped it off for me at work today and I got to be the first to model.  Tomorrow is our picnic fundraiser and I can't wait to see what will happen.  So, exciting!

We are all getting race ready!  There is still plenty of time to donate and to order shirts - $20 for adults and $15 for kids.  A large part of that goes to the MRF so it's a great cause!  You can email me if you want one:  krjessop@comcast.net

I'll even ship one if you're not here!  I've also been asked how to donate to the MRF if you don't want to do it online:  

You can make checks payable to the Melanoma Research Foundation and mail them to me (contact me for details) or directly to the Melanoma Research Foundation:

MRF

P.O. Box 759329

Baltimore, Maryland 21275

Be sure to send a note with the check to specify Nashville Miles for Melanoma TEAM KJ or Kimberly Jessop

Can't wait for tomorrow - I'll be the one wearing pink!

Is it Friday yet?

Do you ever pretend that Thursday is Friday, or at least dream it is?  There are two Thursdays a month which are almost considered sacred here.  They are the days that my house is cleaned - not by me.  I never knew the joy of having your entire house completely cleaned at one time until a lady named Selma came into my life.  Yet, another cancer blessing, I'll have to say to all those years I cleaned one room a day in a never ending cycle, and looked at the high shelves that I didn't dust with guilt, "what was I thinking?"  I have a bit of a vacuuming disorder which continues to persist but otherwise, I have really learned to let go of a lot.  Stephen was appalled one Thursday when I spilled a few drops of coffee on the floor and didn't wipe it up immediately and then he said, "oh, Selma's coming."  Some people like massages, pedicures, Bikram Yoga, but I personally like a clean house.

So, tonight we ordered pizza and sat outside - I wouldn't dare mess up that kitchen - until dark and much after and watched our kids squeeze out the last bit of summer.  Because these are the days they will remember - sidewalk chalk hopscotch, practicing their fake touchdown and then victory dance, flying like the wind on a scooter with flashing wheels, and making up cheers in the front yard.  At least, I will remember it.  I sit on the driveway with the sole purpose of traffic control - I even bought those little green fake plastic children - Fred and Ethel - that you see holding flags and it's not above me to put those things in the middle of the road.  I find great joy in watching people slow down at the sight of those alien people.  When it got too dark for playing in the street, we went inside for a lesson on how to make rainbow bracelets out of tiny rubberbands - fascinatingly entertaining.  I can't wait to wear my new bracelet.

We finally gave Joe, the African Dwarf frog, a proper burial around the tree by the other small creatures.  Bailey makes each of them their own headstone and writes their name on them, a practice that I find very endearing and worth the sacrifice of our landscaping rocks.  We have buried quite a few fish since our first one that he won when he was 3 at the fair - all because his daddy was trying to shut him up about being scared of rides - great plan.  It cost at least 50 bucks to house the free fish only to discover that he had jumped out of the tank and plunged to his death a few days later.  Being the mom that I was and not wanting to explain death to my perceptive little 3 year old, I replaced these 29 cent fish about every week without him knowing for 2 or 3 months.  It was quite exhausting to orchestrate the distract, go to Petco, and replace plan, but I made it work for a while until I just finally had to lay it on the line and be straight with him.  And he said, "oh, ok, can we get two this time?"  It was then that I realized that whatever fears, experiences, and anxieties about death that I had were certainly not shared by my 3 year old and I was not doing either of us any good by pretending that those fish had nine lives.  After all, he's way smarter than me.

We ended tonight making sandwiches - human ones.   Bailey, Kate, and I like to take turns being the bread and the bologna.  They find it hysterically funny to pile on top of each other and try not to fall off.  Poor Kate always wants to be the bottom bread but she's really a panini after we squish her down so we usually let her be the topper.  Either way, it's quite funny and I get to hug and squeeze my two favorite short people while they giggle.

I'm so excited for this weekend will bring - looking so forward to the family picnic fundraiser for the Melanoma Research Foundation.  We are already amazed at how inspired people are to give and to support us and look forward to the actual race October 19th.  Hope to see you Saturday, or at least somewhere in the world wearing an obnoxious pink t-shirt!

Who doesn't look good in pink?

Below is the invite to our fundraising picnic for the Melanoma Research Foundation.  Now, I'll admit to being terrible at asking people for money but it's a little easier to ask people to buy a t-shirt.  All the profits from the shirt go to the MRF in support of our team for the race, so that's pretty awesome!  And, they are neon pink so if you need to cross the street or need matching shirts to take your family to Disney World, it's a great option.  Trust me, you will be seen.  

And, if you can join us on Saturday, we will be at Riverdale Park for some good family fun and of, course, we'd love to have you!  We'll be the ones in pink!

My birthday gift...

It's been on my list for a long time so here it is - my birthday gift to myself - a blog. It's a step forward for me - not because I've really been stagnant but because there is so much more to life than cancer. I am very grateful for caring bridge and will continue to post my medical updates on that site. I'm humbled when people anxiously await my posts and are inspired by what I have to say but I'm more inspired by their comments.
I've been terrible at keeping up with baby books. I've taken thousands of pictures but no albums. I've chronicled the firsts through lots of Iphone videos - thank goodness for Apple, but let's face it, I'm not getting any better at organizing all of this. I don't care who reads this - it's for me. It's my gift for being 36, for being a mom, being a wife, for being a survivor, and because people tell me to write. So, I'm starting with 36. And that is today - Sunday, which is also the first and my favorite day of the week. People asked me what I was doing for my birthday and I said, "living."
Living is:

• spilled mountain dew freezes in the garage that turn into fly paper by the time you get back from the baseball game to clean it up
• squirting unwashable paint all over your kid's clothes when you tried to unclog the top
• watching double headers played by 8 year olds on the best fall day of the year
• kisses and drawings from the sweetest little red-headed girl
• teaching 5 and 6 year old girls the story f how Joshua and Caleb had courage and trusted God
• watching your husband play his guitar for elementary school kids and coach his heart out in a baseball game
• running four miles because you couldn't at 35 (or 30 for that matter)
• dozens of text messages and phone calls congratulating you on making it to 36
• a couch full of crayons, paper, and magnetic paper dolls
• knowing that you're loved, beds full of folded clothes but no time to put them in drawers
• being able to locate everyone's ipod, sunglasses, phone, belt, socks, and polly pocket, but not your own keys
• a kitchen table full of first handwriting samples that include backward "a's", Mustang, Kiss, and Poison logo drawings
• a pile of laundry at the bottom of the stairs that just won't wash itself but living is more important
• being sung "Happy Birthday" 5 times in one day, blowing out candles 3 different times
• chocolate pie, donuts, and cupcakes for your birthday 
• rainbow toenails
• legos imprints on the bottom of your foot - again
• fixing an accidental shoulder amputation on Barbie
• napkins that say, "KEEP CALM AND BIRTHDAY ON"l
• laughing til it hurts and watching your friend hold her cheeks from laughing
• auburn and strawberry blond hair that smells like sunshine
• finally being able to wear long sleeves because it's below 80 degrees
• a friend cooking dinner for you in his wife's really girly apron
• realizing that your chemo drug fits perfectly into that tiny pocket in your running shorts - guess that's what its for
• drinking coffee out of a goofy mug with a chicken on it
• realizing once again how much you love the other three people in your house
• a birthday card from your dad with 36 cents taped on it and facts about the year of your birth
• looking a the markings on a strip of trim in the bathroom where you dry your hair and realizing how much your kids have grown since you turned 35
• watching your fundraiser goal continue to climb because people are inspired by your story
• your 8 year old trying to convince his daddy to buy mommy a new car or screen in the porch for her birthday
• knowing that the wrinkles that appear when you laugh tell as much of a story as the scar on your back
• a singing and vanilla scented birthday candle that a special 10 year old neighbor picked out for you
• hot pink knee socks and a gift card to the "mom store" 
• a dead frog that really needs to be given a proper burial but life got in the way again
• realizing that your kids backpacks are still in the car from Friday
• and a book of advice titled, "WEAR SUNSCREEN.

That was just today. Thirty-six is good. Really good. KJ