eleven

My very best girl, you are eleven!  

You are more than two handfuls of years now which means that I’m a lot more than that.  Sometimes I talk to other moms with younger kids and they tell me, “Oh! Your kids are big!” And, I guess you are!  Somehow you got big without me even really noticing.  Well, except for the fact that I don’t have to drag sippy cups and Cheerios everywhere and tell you to sit down in the grocery cart all the time.   What I need you to know is that I love big kids.  Somewhere in the last year I’ve started to see more of exactly who you will be as an adult and it is my very favorite.  You are the perfect mix of sweet and sass - a sprinkle donut with a side of spicy fries.

This has been your very last year of elementary school so there have been so many last things but with a lot of firsts to come just around the corner.  When people ask me if you’re ready for middle school, I say that you were pretty much born ready for anything.  And that is so true.  You, my girl are always up for an adventure!  If I tell you we are going on a trip, you are the first one packed and usually have a list for me of things not to forget and to buy at the store.  You also pack snacks and even extra ones because Daddy never packs any but is the first one to ask for them.  You are the most prepared of any of us for sure.  You even make schedules for yourself on a white board in your room, complete with inspirational quotes.  A friend asked me if I thought you were so prepared because that’s the way you’ve had to be since our life has been a little nuts sometimes.  Maybe so, but it will serve you well.  

You are also the most flexible.  I don’t think you’ve had much choice because sometimes our plans kind of get derailed, but you complain and usually look for something fun in spite of it.  I’ve tried really hard this year to keep things a little more calm, but as you know, that’s not an easy thing to do around here.  You sometimes have to sit through boring appointments or with boring adults at events when I know you’d rather be doing other things, but people always complement you on how well behaved you are and it makes me very proud.  There’s a real art to being patient and waiting and I’m so thankful you are learning that now.  

You are the most helpful girl around.  As G-Daddy says, “you are as handy as a pocket on a shirt.”  You always help me without being asked.  You are the first to help with the grocery bags and when everybody gets in the car you come back to help me get all the stuff, because I always have to carry a lot of stuff.  It’s mostly everybody else’s stuff because I sometimes I don’t remember my own stuff, but you’ve gotten really good at reminding me and sometimes you are standing at the door with my purse and my keys and pick out my earrings and shoes.  I’m just not sure what I’d do without you.  I watch you help other people too - opening doors and picking up things off the floor, and especially when you see older people or little kids that need help.  I have also watched you help your brother without him knowing you’re helping and because of him you have learned how to best help others.  Your heart is big and you keep it wide open so others can benefit.  

My girl, you are a lot of fun.  I love to take you places with me because I know it will be extra fun.  We got to go on a lot of trips last year from Hawaii to Chicago to Nashville, and you and I even escaped for a few days to New York City.  It was the first time just you and me have flown in a plane together and we got all the Starbucks and all the snacks the whole time.  You had to sit through some boring adult things but the rest of the trip was worth it.  I let you pick what you wanted to do in New York and we did exactly that - The Carousel, Central Park, picnics, M&Ms, American Girl, and the ferry.  We ate ice cream and donuts and Starbucks the entire time because you and I would rather be seeing things than eating things.  We even walked back to Times Square just one more time early in the morning because you loved it so much.  You carried your own luggage, navigated the subway, and planned our next adventures the whole time.  It was just the most fun!  But, I like to take you on errands too because you make the boring fun and give us a good excuse to get ice cream.

I have watched you grow so much this year, a little in size, but much more in personality.  You are still the same creative independent little being that you always have been, only much more.  You make wonderful creations, like the earrings you made me for Mother’s Day, and your school art projects.  You love to sing and you sing all the time and like to play your favorite songs in the car so you can sing really loud.  Sometimes your brother tells you to be quiet but I love to hear you sing and I hope that you keep singing more and more.  Sometimes you sing at church when Daddy plays guitar and it’s just the absolute best, because your voice is pure and innocent, just like you.  People ask you if you get nervous and you say no, which is true because it’s your favorite thing.  I get nervous for you because I could never do that, but I remember that I’m not you at all.  There are little parts of me in you and we like some of the same things, but you are definitely your own little person.  You are also really good at running even though you’re not a fan of practice. It has been so much fun to watch you this year - you are sometimes the smallest but you’re end game is strong - boy can those little legs move!  After all, they’ve been moving fast since you were born.  And, it’s a good thing because you’re the only one that can catch Sophie when she escapes.  

You are sure of the things you love and sure of the things you don’t love, which I think is a little like me but maybe you’re better at standing your ground on that and I’ve learned a lot from watching you.  You love donuts, breakfast at Starbucks, anything rainbow, creating,  singing, high heel shoes, and you have your own sense of fashion.  You love the beach and swimming and swinging as high as you can because you feel so free.  You also love any sliver of time with just me.  You love traditions and remind us of them - like celebrating Nana’s birthday, drawings on your lunch bags, Nativity sets, and Easter egg hunts with Resurrection eggs.  You love flowers and you always stop what you are doing to pick them.  You have taught me that there is always time for that.  You love giving and you give selflessly to us and to others.   You love stories about when you were little and stories about your Nana.  This year for your birthday you chose her chocolate cake and we made it together.  I added sprinkles because I think she would have and we talked about her and her perfect handwriting and how she loved you.  I’m pretty sure she was right there overseeing the mess we made.  I also wrapped eleven little gifts because you are always wrapping and giving.  You said you loved the chocolate cookies the most - I’m not surprised.  

You do not love bugs, being dirty, camping, math, wearing shoes, when people don’t get along, and you have perfected the hand-on-hip-finger-shake.  It breaks your heart when people are sad and you'd do anything to see them happy.  You make choices on what you like and not because someone else is doing it.  Your imagination is higher than the sky and you are almost always content.   

You are the brightest ray of sunshine that came along exactly when we needed you.  I am thankful that I can still pick you up and squeeze you so tight because you will forever be my smallest baby.  I love when you put your face so close to mine that I can count all 874 freckles and I love the way your hair streaks blonde through the red like sunshine through the clouds.  I love the way you tell the truth and say what you are thinking because no one has to guess where they stand with you.  I love the way you stand up for others and for what you believe - I basically just love the mess out of you.    

You have so very many gifts and so very much to offer to this world - I love them all.  But, mostly I love that you are mine.  

Happy Birthday to my best girl!

Love, 

Mommy

fourteen

Fourteen!  

Bailey, what an amazing fourteen year old you are!  Sometimes I cannot get over the fact that you are mine - I am surely the luckiest.  

When you were a little boy, you were probably the most stubborn and head strong kid I have ever seen.  You also asked more questions than I thought possible - really good ones and sometimes ones that I couldn’t answer - and we didn’t have Siri or Alexa.  If you said you were doing it, then you were definitely doing it and really it was the same for if you said you weren’t.  You taught yourself how to ride a bike in a day and then to tie your own shoes the very next day all because you said you were going to.  I have often wondered what inside of you makes you never give up, what makes you to keep pushing the limits until the limits exceed your expectations.  I’ve spent fourteen years watching you practice and push yourself and when we would have all been exhausted, when sometimes I was exhausted, you kept going.  This year, even more so.  Because of you, I have kept going so many times.  

You started this year with two crutches and a brace, and a backpack - oh that backpack…and in one incredible year, you have managed to shed them all.  You stand so tall now - well past my shoulders and after so many months of walking behind you or in front of you, I love that you walk right beside me because now I can catch your glances when you think something’s funny and you’re trying not to laugh.  I can hear the mumbled joke the first time and I get the very best view of your cute face.     

You told me last year when we were sitting in the hospital that you planned to go everywhere and see everything that you missed out on the year before.  Well, son, I do believe you tried.  You’ve had us so busy and it has been so much fun to watch and experience with you.  For someone who likes to fly under the radar, you have really pushed the limits.  You made two appearances on national television, your art ended up in the grocery freezer and in the halls of St. Jude, and I can’t open my newsfeed without seeing your face.  You started back to school again and I may have been more nervous than when I dropped you off at kindergarten, but I doubt you will every forget how welcome you were.

 

You got an electric scooter for Christmas last year.  It sat in the living room for a month but then one day in January you got it out of the box and decided to ride it.  You were still on crutches so while I kind of thought it was a bad idea I still let you do it.  Part of me was scared out of my mind that you would fall and break the very leg we’d been working on all year, but the other part of me knew you would be awesome and I couldn’t wait to see it.  I kind of held my breath and videoed you but I was really trying not to throw up.  You sped off down the hill and once you got out of my sight I realized that I really had no control and I was just going to have to let you go. You came back smiling and I knew that was the beginning of a lot of me letting go.  This year has been full of some things that I kind of thought were a bad idea, but I let you do them anyway and just hoped for the best.  

Since that day, I’ve watched you snorkel in the ocean, swim in the pool again, zipline on the Hawaiian coast, and climb rock walls.  I’ve watched you kneeboard without even holding on, balancing on that leg and waving to go faster.  And my goodness have you ever ridden that bike.  

I have watched you shake hands with football players, baseball players, and even Dak Prescott.  They know you by name and by your story too.  I’ve watched you tackle school and tackle one scan after another, bravely facing both even though you wanted to do neither.  And after every appointment and every scan, you switch right back to your life and school.  I know how tough that is when no one else around you is doing the same thing.  You were also baptized this year - it was an honor to stand with you in your decision and an honor to see you walk up the steps and kneel crutch free in front of the church - something you were determined to do.  I kind of wanted to scream and clap but I held it together for your sake, so you’re welcome.

Some people find teenagers difficult and hard to understand - sometimes that’s true, but that’s really true of all of us.  You have taught me how much I love big kids.  I have loved seeing the world through your eyes, and your friends’ eyes.  I never mind driving your friends around because I know you’re having fun and the days where you need me to drive you will come to an end sooner than I’d like.  Plus I always learn something and I always laugh.  I love the humor and the silliness because life is really all too serious.  We always talk about how no one peaks in middle school but I’m really glad you made it back for the finale so I could experience the humor.  I love being the first person you see at the end of your day because that won’t always be the case too.  I also love your undying devotion to these goofy dogs, the way that you manage to make a nest on any freshly made bed or folded blanket in this house, the dirt that you track in on your shoes and up my stairs, the way you devour sour skittles and taffy taffy (no candy is safe in this house), and the way you can eat dinner and then a bowl of cereal an hour later.  

Sometimes I see myself in you, only different, but that’s probably why I understand you so well - maybe that, and the fact that I gave birth to you.  You have incredible intuition and can read people like a book.  People really underestimate that quality in you, but if used wisely and discreetly it really does help you in life (ask me how I know).  You and I have sat in so many rooms together and listened to so many hard things.  Sometimes people talk over you because you look like you aren’t paying attention when it’s really that you’d like to get the heck out of there.  They usually look at me to answer for you, but I don’t because you are capable and you always say how you really feel, even if it’s not what people want to hear.  That kind of honesty is so important in this world.  I also love when you say exactly what I am thinking but it’s more appropriate coming from your mouth.  You won’t always get away with that, so enjoy it now.  

I feel like I’ve watched you grow up right before my eyes in the last two years or so, and it’s because you really have.  You have become even wiser than you were before.  Before, you knew stuff.  Now you’ve lived stuff.  You are not living an easy life for sure, but I hardly ever hear you complain, except for maybe about homework, but even then you get it done.  You just get after it and make everyone wish they had the kind of drive and spirit that you do.   You have lots of admirers - people are inspired by your perseverance and strength.  You are living proof that leaders are born out of example rather than words.  You are also living proof that what needs to be said sometimes, doesn’t really need words.  

Bailey, there’s just something incredibly special about who you are and I’ve learned so much by being your mom.  You set the bar high for yourself and for those around you.  You are a protector - especially for your sister.  At fourteen you have empathy and compassion that can only be earned the hard way but you use it to see and feel what others do - you hold a special power and secret to what life is really about that few understand.  I love the way God knows you and is writing your story.  You are so loved and so prayed for and I believe you can do anything.

I’ll always be your biggest fan.

Happy Birthday!

Love, 

Mom