Just crabbin'

I spent last night chasing crabs.  In my house.  In the middle of the suburbs.  Nowhere near the ocean.  I swear I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
I was awakened in the middle of the night by Lucy, vibrating next to me and the sound of rocks dropping on the floor.
Stephen, "what was that?"
Me, "I don't know."
Stephen, "what's wrong with this crazy dog - she's shivering."
Me, "maybe she's cold."

Stephen attributed the noise to the floors creaking and offered to let the dog out, which consisted of him walking downstairs and going to the couch - without the dog. I was becoming impatient about the sleep I was missing and I finally shoved her off the bed.  She ran to Kate's room and hid under the bed.  I then proceeded to pull her out and carry her downstairs - crazy dog - yelling at Stephen for not letting her out the first time.

Now, it's 3 am and I'm borderline mad because I'm counting the hours now and the dog is still vibrating and I can't sleep.
THUD.
Stephen gets up and rustles around downstairs then turns on the light on the stairs.
"Oh my gosh!"
Me, "what fell?"
"Dang hermit crab is on the stairs."
Me, "WHAT!?"

The hermit crab had managed down 11 of the 13 stairs - one step every 15 minutes or so, which explains the last hour of rocks dropping on the hardwood.
Stephen goes to return him to his home.
 "How many of these things to we have?"
Me, "Two. How many are in there?"
"None."
Me, "Lovely."
He flips on the light in Bailey's room pulls the covers off and shakes the kid.
"Did you let these hermit crabs out tonight?"
B - "OH MY GOSH! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"
Me, "One was on the stairs, where's the other one?"

Bailey runs through the house through our room to the playroom, turns on the lights and points to the table, clearly panicked.  Never seen the kid move so fast.
We all start throwing stuff around as I imagine finding a stinky dead crab in a painted mermaid shell sometime over Thanksgiving break and become disgusted in addition to my anger over the lost sleep.
Stephen found the little booger on the other side of the room.  She had apparently been having her own fun climbing around and falling which is explains the rest of the noises coming from the playroom.  Bailey explained that he had let the crabs out for some exercise and must have forgotten to put them back.  Of course.  All crabs need exercise.  In our home.  Well, they should be pretty tired by now. I am.
Crabs were returned, kid went back to bed, dog stopped vibrating, and well, I was left wide awake.  How we didn't step on the stupid things, I don't know, but I am glad that the little fella took the stairs route rather than my bed for his exercise routine.

Kate is certain that Santa is bringing her a guinea pig.  We have reviewed Santa's live animal clause and I am certain that he is not.
Poor Lucy was exhausted.