Thirty-eight does not fall in the milestone category like 30 and 40 and whatnot. It’s a lost-in-the-middle kind of number - past 35 so you round up to 40, and shoot, well over 30. We live life by fives and tens and the others just get lost in the middle. But, thirty-eight for me is pretty significant - 20 years since I graduated high school, 15 years at my job, 10 years of motherhood, and 5 years since I first shook hands with cancer. Plus, I’m never lacking for things to celebrate - I’ll just make stuff up.
At thirty-eight, life seems to have brought me to a place where age and circumstance intertwine. We all have something in common - our kids, our work, our past experiences. We’ve moved past the intimidation of who’s older or younger and just see each other for who we are - or at least I do. It’s really cool.
Every year brings challenges, victories, defeat, and this year is no exception. I find my prayer list longer and thicker with needs - illnesses that we thought only older people face, challenges that are reserved for “grown-ups” and then I realized I’m supposed to be a grown-up. Somedays I long for that little two-bedroom house that we first put all the money we had in only because that’s before life got real big and messy. But, then I realize that messy is sometimes beautiful and real and very much the glue that binds us all together. Messy is rich with friendships and Friday night pizza, laughing and crying our way through life’s celebrations and heartaches.
At thirty-eight, life has sure brought me to a place that was no where in my dreams, but part of it is better than what I could have dreamed. So many times, my tendency is to say, “no, thank you” and go about my business, but thirty-eight has taught me “yes” because sometimes even though “yes” is not very comfortable, it’s the right thing. So, this year, I decided to list 38 yeses - in no particular order:
- Yes to cake. My mom used to make me a chocolate sheet cake with homemade icing every year on my birthday. This year, my aunt walked through my door with the same cake, tied up with a purple fluffy bow - yes, just yes to that.
- Yes to spandex. It helps with holding the things in that are poking out at thirty-eight.
- Yes to lunch. With friends, with your kids - even if I have to totally rearrange my day and spend an hour in a noisy elementary school cafeteria, I never regret it.
- Yes to fear. Facing it is harder than knowing you have it, but you will either determine that it was not as bad as you thought or much harder than you thought and both will be gratifying.
- Yes to fairies, fairy gardens, fairy dust, and gnomes. They are tiny and cute and I am fueling a limitless imagination.
- Yes to meal sign-ups. You can’t fix cancer, tragedy, or death, and you may not know what to say but everybody needs to eat.
- Yes to jewelry. I can wear solid colors the rest of my life and no one will notice.
- Yes to an emergency stash. Of chocolate, wine, coffee, wet-wipes, or whatever it takes to get through it.
- Yes to the puppy. He will weasel his way into your bed, your heart, and bring endless joy for your kids, even if he poops on the rug.
- Yes to the kitchen table. For homework, for family dinner, for art, for the piles of junk, and for all the dips that will start conversations that always end in side-splitting, cheek-holding laughter.
- Yes to music. Two of the four people in this house find their groove in music. One claims that “her brain just plays music like a radio.” I’ve learned to embrace it and sometimes use my galley kitchen as a dance floor. Sometimes.
- Yes to the Big Green Egg. It has saved me countless hours in the kitchen cooking meat and brought many people to my table.
- Yes to child meal planning. Taco Tuesday and Waffle Wednesday will be a big hit and the guesswork is removed every week.
- Yes to humor. Life’s not always funny, but it is. And, you can find humor in the hardest places if you look for it.
- Yes to play. The kind that’s free and unstructured. I spend my life teaching and encouraging play skills for children with different abilities and their families. There is no greater joy than watching my own fling off their backpacks and run free in the backyard.
- Yes to the littlest giver or gift. For my birthday, I got sandbox cupcakes with stick candles made by toddler daycare friends, a birthday book made by my own little bitty artist, and a chocolate cupcake presented by a crying toddler because she really wanted to eat it. All small but all big.
- Yes to interviews. The story was lived to be told.
- Yes to Tervis Tumblers. They keep drinks cold and don’t leave those pesky rings that you see after it’s too late and the plastic cup is sitting in a puddle on your grandmother’s table.
- Yes to sporting events. I’ve never watched one play of any NFL, MLB, or college football game, even though all of my vacations have been centered around stadiums. I love watching my son play and sitting by my husband. My people watching skills have sharpened and even bad nachos are good.
- Yes to Bible verses. I had no idea when I memorized them as a child how often my brain would recall them to bring me peace and help me look forward.
- Yes to thank-you. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed - not score-keeping, not returned favors, just simple acknowledgement of kindness and good.
- Yes to survival data surveys. Yes, I’m still alive. Go ahead and extend the bar graph.
- Yes to service. Sometimes you don’t have talent or money to give but serving others in whatever capacity is a gift for the people you serve, for yourself, and for your children who are taking notes.
- Yes to the consent form to use my extra blood for research. It’s one more way I can help.
- Yes to your gut. It usually steers you right.
- Yes to candles. Especially trick candles. I believe in making wishes and trick ones let you do this over and over. Plus, the ten-year-old boy will really get a kick out of this. My birthday cake came with three to celebrate past, present, and future. What more do you really need?
- Yes to reading glasses. It beats squinting and who are we kidding?
- Yes to books. It’s hard to find the time but good ones are such an escape. Same goes for magazines.
- Yes to Sundays. For worship, fellowship, and family, and to sit down for a few minutes without feeling guilty.
- Yes to stopping to smell the roses. Or reading all the iris labels in the garden, touring the caboose, picking the blueberries, looking at the sunflowers, standing on the porch of Elvis’s birthplace - even though it wasn’t planned, you’ve got time and you’re teaching them something.
- Yes to art. Especially kid art. It’s one of the freest forms of self-expression and allows us to interpret the world through someone else’s eyes. Glitter is optional.
- Yes to coffee. No explanation needed.
- Yes to the experience. There will be a story later and it will be fun to tell.
- Yes to Girl Scout cookies. They are overpriced but delicious and some mom has to meet her quota of cookie money.
- Yes to keeping your mouth shut. Sometimes this is the best option.
- Yes to no. Sometimes this is the best option.
- Yes to prayer. This is always the best option.
- Yes to birthdays. Celebrate them fully. They are not just calendar days but gifts of life, growth, change, experience. Parties are optional but cake is not.
At thirty-eight, I live the most ordinary life in a suburban neighborhood dotted with SUVs where moms run taxi and dads cut grass. I never would have thought what a miracle it would take to get to a place of ordinary and how happy I’d be with first world problems. I ran across this quote that was written below some picture of a baby horse snuggled up to a teddy bear. I can’t figure out what in the world this quote had to do with the horse and the bear, but it’s a pretty good summary of where I am and what thirty-eight looks like:
"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
Here’s to thirty-eight - the party's just getting started.
KJ
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